I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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