If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
