Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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