Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It was confusing and full of hummus
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
