John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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