i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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