It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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