Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize