why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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