the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
