the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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