Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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