I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
