I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
