I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
