Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize