What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
