That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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