she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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