I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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