toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
