I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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