problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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