Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
