Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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