you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
