FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
