i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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