Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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