so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm at about main and main street
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
