This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
