My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
