More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
