i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The adults are the big ones right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
