i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
