I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
