Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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