When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
