I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
