omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
