YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
