K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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