The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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