My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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