His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
