You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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