I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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