This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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