I hate all girls vehemently.
I could make wine with my vomit
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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