"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude i'm inner monologue high
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
