I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
