Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
