cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
