im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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