Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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