pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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