dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
