i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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