ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
