you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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