I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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