so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
