Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
