So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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