A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
